A smile is the chosen vehicle of all ambiguities.

Herman Melville



Hope is the struggle of the soul, breaking loose from what is perishable, and attesting her eternity.

Herman Melville



In this world, shipmates, sin that pays its way can travel freely, and without passport; whereas Virtue, if a pauper, is stopped at all frontiers.

Herman Melville

(OMG can anybody say MGM? C. Shields)



Is there some principal of nature which states that we never know the quality of what we have until it is gone?

Herman Melville

Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got
'Til it's gone

Joni Mitchell, "Big Yellow Taxi"



It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation.

Herman Melville



It is impossible to talk or to write without apparently throwing oneself helplessly open.

Herman Melville



There are certain queer times and occasions in this strange mixed affair we call life when a man takes his whole universe for a vast practical joke.

Herman Melville



There are hardly five critics in America; and several of them are asleep.

Herman Melville



There are some enterprises in which a careful disorderliness is the true method.

Herman Melville

(Bradbury readers: Aunt Rose, anyone?)



There is sorrow in the world, but goodness too; and goodness that is not greenness, either, no more than sorrow is.

Herman Melville



Truth uncompromisingly told will always have its ragged edges.

Herman Melville



We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men.

Herman Melville



Whatever fortune brings, don't be afraid of doing things.

Herman Melville

This message has been edited. Last edited by: dandelion,

I hadn't perceived AS as a disability Wouldn't we all relish the power to recall data at the snap of a finger? Play this card to your advantage. Poor social inter-reaction in many cases boils down to a fixation upon oneself instead of interest in other people's lives. It's a skill easily learnt. No offence intended. Examine the other person's point of view and what they might be experiencing. They'll like you the better for it. An acerbic comment should always be countered with an "I-don't-give-a-s**t" witty response. And, seriously, why should you give a toss about what some cyber non-entities say? Consider your "affliction" as a plus rather than turning it into a negative. Nice pictures, by the way. Follow Melville's advice and don't be afraid of doing things.

My uncle and a few others always say I should go on Jeopardy! And, that thing of showing interest in others may work to some extent, but you have to be careful as hell. If you take too keen an interest, they'll think you're digging into their personal lives and become extremely defensive. Also, I was dismayed, as I said, at the response to my great interest in the subject at hand, Buster Keaton, which these people claimed to promote. I did try to ignore their rudeness and move on with other topics related to the subject of which they might approve, but it just made them worse.

Personal message to a friend from another forum who says he would miss me if I were gone:

Of course I don't "want" to slit my wrists, but more to the point I don't want to have to. I am determined to stick with this interest and not be driven off or have it spoiled for me. The best revenge would be to be happy anyway but I have no idea of how to switch moods just like that. If I did I would have done so years ago for my own sake, not for anyone else's.

It would be nice to think that I am worthwhile just for myself, but all my conditioning and my sense of reality (that is, of what matters in life, identifying and fulfilling a purpose) tell me I have to produce something absolutely monumental to justify the time I've already spent on this earth and leave something lasting when I go. This in itself will be difficult enough without roadblocks of all sorts thrown in my way.

I absolutely believe Buster Keaton had AS, but he didn't have the characteristics of lacking physical coordination or being unable to determine proximity in spatial differences--or he'd have been dead many times over!

Yeah, well my feelings tell me all the time that things are hopeless and unbearable. As far as people wanting to slit my throat, for one I think they're too cowardly to do it and too afraid of getting themselves in trouble. Also, it would imply too much interest and acknowledgement of me on their part. What they want to do is eliminate me from existence in such a way that no one remembers I ever did exist--but it's much easier to think about being murdered, than to contemplate that.

As I said, I don't want to be driven to anything desperate but there is such pressure to come up with something good enough to get me entirely off the hook in that direction, it's hard to fully describe. For the Nth time I have ALMOST been driven to seek therapy--the last time I tried was four years ago, but right after that my dad died, I lost my job, my insurance changed, and by the time it could have all been straightened out the therapist left town so I just wrote the whole idea off. Anyhow if they can force me into spending that kind of time and money they'll have about half won.

What dismays me the most is the loss of my cherished good mood, which did not die a natural death, IT WAS DELIBERATELY KILLED, BY WE ALL KNOW WHO. I hadn't had anything approaching the kind since March 2007, by June it had gone totally bad and was particularly hopeless in 2010 till October 2011. Then, for all the care I could possibly take with it, it lasted only two months and is back to bad now for possibly decades. It goes without saying that if work on my books proceeds, and goes PERFECTLY in all respects, my good mood MIGHT return, but that seems an awfully big gamble and I am fresh out of any other ideas. The only consistently good thing I have is my precious little kittycat and the thought of how devoted he is to me and that no one could care for him as I do.

We have just received another piece of stunningly bad news. The guy who helps with all our building and maintenance around here who is a dear friend and on whom we have TOTALLY depended for YEARS just learned he has lung cancer! He will be out of commission all February long for treatments! So it seems many of the nice people I know are coming down sick and all the nasty ones are doing just peachy.

Cori

quote:

Originally posted by dandelion:
As far as people wanting to slit my throat, for one I think they're too cowardly to do it and too afraid of getting themselves in trouble. Also, it would imply too much interest and acknowledgement of me on their part.

Now, this guy's fans are direct and straightforward, if unsportsmanlike poor losers: http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/s...ionship-Game-012312/

This message has been edited. Last edited by: dandelion,

Dandy,
You are loved, appreciated, respected, and prayed for.

So there.

I, still unemployed, have been doing a lot of volunteer work. You, of course, have your writing. But I often think of this poem:

How To Be Happy

Are you almost disgusted with life, little man?
I'll tell you a wonderful trick
That will bring you contentment, if anything can:
Do something for somebody, quick!

Are you awfully tired with play, little girl?
Wearied, discouraged, and sick?
I'll tell you the loveliest game in the world:
Do something for somebody quick!

Though it rains like the rain of the flood, little man,
And the clouds are forbidding and thick,
You can make the sun shine in your soul, little man:
Do something for somebody, quick!

Though the stars are like brass overhead, little girl,
And the walks like a well-heated brick,
And our earthly affairs in a terrible whirl,
Do something for somebody, quick!

GEORGE VARGHESE

Thanks, that was good.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: dandelion,

Is the coast clear?



Just tell me whether it's safe to come out from this damn alley!



Or should I take cover and lay low?

This message has been edited. Last edited by: dandelion,

Reacting to a rude shock (anybody smell smoke?)



It cost me some sleepless nights, I must say.



Luckily I had my buddies backing me up, allies both expected and not.



It's good to have friends to watch your back keeping a lookout for you. Thanks, all!



I salute you!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: dandelion,

Every picture of the great Buster Keaton is somehow artistically and dramatically poignant! Is that the word I am looking for to define his visual presence in all of the photos that capture such interesting moments?

Utterly awesome, exquisitely ethereal, living work of priceless art all come to mind.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: dandelion,

OMG, too cool! I knew Buster was in an episode of The Twilight Zone written by Richard Matheson--in fact, we watched it on Tuesday night--but had no idea he was photographed with Robert Bloch!

On this anniversary of Buster's passing 46 years ago, I am feeling drained and blue and this is a perfect picture as I feel more than a little psycho. For two whole months I felt comfortable being part of this world, thanks entirely to the influence of Buster, and I do appreciate him for that along with all his other wonderful contributions. I have since jumped the track. It was nice not having the impulse to go after certain types with a flamethrower, but it's gone now, and as Melville and Mitchell so aptly said, you don't know what you got, till it's gone. I miss it. In case anyone's worried, I feel more wistful, regretful, and downcast than openly homicidal, but it's definitely there. RIP Buster and my short-lived good frame of mind.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: dandelion,

This should brighten your day!

We were watching an old b/w movie collection with the boys the other night and enjoyed this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6mZ2MQCDOw

Thanks, Frank, and to everyone who offered kind thoughts. I am still catching up on the Buster performances I haven't seen. We watched a few last night. I am still hoping, faintly, the good mood might come back, but not putting a huge effort into it because the more you want a thing the more it seems it won't happen. Also, you can't make it happen. As far as I can tell, I had nothing to do with it happening back in October, even resisted it, but it was just meant to be at that time and for the amount of time it was. People tell me I have control over how I feel but if so it's eluded me.

The first thing with the Society knocked me into a bad mood and the second thing with the high schoolers back down to the pre-October level. Besides the original attacks, add the guilt from myself and from others about how I "should" have done better in the first place, and "should" be coping better now. Even Buster with all his skills had a hard time dealing with the emotional blows--that's one reason I identify so completely.

Buster Keaton had many remarkable achievements, one of which was posthumously temporarily elevating me into something resembling a good mood, and on this 46th anniversary of his passing I salute his accomplishments.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: dandelion,