Oh, Phil!

(Though you may have to explain that one to some of the Yanks...)

What, no privet hedges stateside?

"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."

- Albert Einstein

How about "Quotes of the Day"?


These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.


The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison," and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." Jack E. Leonard

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

"I told you so"

-James burke.

"It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this."

- Bertrand Russell

1959 Groucho Marx, You Bet Your Life tv show

Groucho Marx to contestant: So you're a teacher, eh? Ask me a question.
Contestant: Okay, how many layers of skin do you have?
Groucho: That's a tough question. But let me think. Must be at least 15 layers.
Contestant: No, Groucho, there are 3 layers.
Groucho: Three layers? Now what sort of students do you teach, university students?
Contestant: No, Groucho, I teach 5th grade.
Groucho: Oh, boy! No wonder I didn't know that.

And so, the first idea for a possibly popular TV show that producers missed nearly 50 years ago.

" Is it the lyric that most displeaseth, who with his tuned lyre and well-accorded voice, giveth praise, the reward of virtue, to virtuous acts ; who giveth moral precepts and natural problems "

- Sir Phillip Sidney

In his "Defence of Poesy."

WG, that reminds me of part of Vaughan Williams' "Serenade To Music"; one of the pieces featured recently in the Santa Cruz Symphony's 50th anniversary concert (I got to be one of the 16 soloists!), the text is from Shakespeare's "Merchant Of Venice".
My favourite part:

The man that hath no music in himself,
Nor is not mov'd with concord of sweet sounds,
Is fit for treasons, stratagems and spoils;
The motions of his spirit are dull as night
And his affections dark as Erebus:
Let no such man be trusted.

Thats beautiful, B!


"I am trash from the planet dogstar"
- Courtney love.

Pertaining to the moral breakdown of the media:

"The world has gone poop!"
Carson Daly

EXCLUSIVE: Brad and Angelina present their new daughter on PEOPLE's cover! Plus: Britney, Reese and more...

"Why...It's worth millions!!"

What moral breakdown of the media are you thinking about, LibRArY!?

"It's in Saudi's interest, it's in Jordan's interest, it's in the Gulf Coast countries' interest that there be a stable Iran, an Iran that is capable of rejecting Iranian influence - I mean, Iraq that is capable of rejecting Iranian influence."

- W

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."

- Arthur C Clarke

Twofer:

"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."

- Rodney Dangerfield