you've all been fooled. He did this whole thing just to make anti-republicans look as stupid as possible.
And you people bought it!
Long live the Republican party
SHEMHAMFORASH: The number of the beast is 666!!
On that topic...(by the by, Faler, less weed, more thought).
"OK, we all know that 666 is the Number of the Beast.
But did you know about....
Approximate number of the Beast
Roman numeral of the Beast
Number of the High Precision Beast
Number of the Millibeast
Beast Common Denominator
(-666) ^ (1/2)
Imaginary number of the Beast
Floating point Beast
Binary of the Beast
6, uh... what was that number again?
Number of the Blonde Beast
Area code of the Beast
Zip code of the Beast
The speed limit of the Beast
Retail price of the Beast
Price of the Beast plus 5% state sales tax
Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul
Walmart price of the Beast
Next week's Walmart price of the Beast
Gasoline of the Beast
Way of the Beast
Oven temperature for roast Beast
Retirement plan of the Beast
Recommended Minimum Daily Requirement of Beast
5 year CD interest rate at First Beast of Hell National Bank, $666 minimum deposit.
Beast's lawyer's billing rate
Spreadsheet of the Beast
Word Processor of the Beast
CPU of the Beast
The Number of the Beast on a Pentium
BMW of the Beast
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast
1232 Octal, Apt. 29A
Beast's hexed address
Next-door neighbor of the Beast
I got this off some website onetime.
668 was Ronald Reagan's home address.
It originally was 666 but Nancy, being superstitous, had it changed to 668.
Since 777 is heavenly perfection, then 666 must mean human perfection, with this some scholars provoke discussion. They claim since man is fallen, then it is the 'perfect imperfect' number. 666 would denote a pefect man.
I hadn't seen this joke before. I thought it was hilarious. Though as a born-again Southern Baptist, I'm not sure if I'm supposed to. So if I'm not supposed to, then it's not funny. Not funny at all.
Otherwise, it is.
Great list, Translator!
Just the thing to take along when you're getting your kicks on Route 666.
Haven't smoked any in days. Why do you think you see me around here more? Ehh, I'm bored and angry.
I was always like this, any differences you've seen are imaginery. You wouldn't of known anything if I didn't mention it in every other post.
But my freind will be returning from his vacation soon.
I was hoping MM fans would have come and post on this thread. I would have used all their debating tactics against them. The ignoring, denial, and of course, the making up of stuff.
MM is a Republican. He admited it in a Swedish interview. Then he called Ray Bradbury, and admited he stole the name just to get him mad, because he has a thing for angry old men.
ehh, nobody would buy that. Ray didn't get half as upset as these MM fans. Ironic isn't it?
Oh, man, Translator! I'm here in the school library, and I was just busting up, I just apologized to this dude on the next computer for disturbing him. Damn, that was hilarious!
More portentous omens emerge.
The "documentary" (?) "Fahrenheit 9/11" shows George W. Bush reading from a schoolbook with second graders while the WTC attacks go on. The name of the story is "My Pet Goat."
A goat is not only a beast, but one long associated with the dark forces.
Goats were longtime popular presidential pets. The Lincoln family were particularly fond of goats and owned a series of them. Didn't the Theodore Roosevelts also own goats, and wasn't the daughter of Benjamin Harrison or some 19th-Century president drawn in a carriage pulled by a goat?
Michael Moore got Bradbury's goat, and now his fans are here trying to get ours. I believe this conspiracy needs looking into.
Alas, I must remain neutral, as my sisters are named Heidi and Klara after the classic story about a little girl who hung out in the Swiss Alps with a boy named Peter (and there are at least two Petes here on the board!) and a certain type of animal...well, y'know.
Maybe this should be flagged to Michael Moore for his investigation. I smell a conspiracy here!
Perhaps while Moore is at it, he can investigate the goat that has cursed the Cubs and Wrigley Field for years now....
An Eternal Cubs Fan
What is the groon?
Does it sink? Does it float? Is it...A GOAT!?
Jolly good thing I wasn't in the library when I saw THAT one!
All right, you all liked the beast post? Well, try this one. I seriously suggest that you sit down while reading the following:
One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay. I have pasted together the following "history" of the world from certifiably genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eighth grade through college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot.
Richard Lederer, St. Paul's School
The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert, and they wrote in hydraulics. They traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pramids are also a range of mountains between France and Spain.
The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked "Am I my brother's son?" Noah's wife was Joan of Ark. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but she was a ball of fire by night.
God asked Abraham to sacrifice Issac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Issac, stole his brother's birthmark. Jacob was a partiarch who brought up his twelve sons to be partiarchs, but they did not take to it. One of Jacob's sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites. Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, called Matzah, which is bread made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Ammendments.
The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. The Fifth Commandment is humor thy mother and father. The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
But Moses died before he could enter Canada.
The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. Samson slayed the Finkelsteins with the axe of the apostles.
David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fougth with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 500 wives and 600 porcupines.
When Mary heard that she was the Mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta. When the Three Wise Guys from the East Side arrived, they found Jesus in the manger. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption. The followers of Jesus were called the twelve decibels. The epistles were the wives of the apostles. Saint Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached Holy Acrimony, which is another name for marriage. A Christian should have only one wife. This practice is known as Monotony.
The Greeks were a highly sculptured people and without them, we wouldn't have any history. The Greeks invented three kinds of columns - Corinthian, Doric and Ironic. They also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intolerable. Achilles appears in "The Illiad", by Homer. Homer also wrote the "Oddity", in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses endured on his journey. While Odysseus is off sleeping with goddesses, Penelope has to stay home and beat off a lot of suitors. Odysseus has to sail between Scylla and Charybdis. This means that whichever way you go, you are going to get got.
Actually, The Oddity was not written by Homer, but by another man with that same name.
Hera had only one way to control Zeus and she viewed sex as a means of coming to an end. Vesta was a goddess who kept the home fires burning. Dionysius was the god of Rivalry, and Bacchus first taught the Greeks to get drunk. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java. The reward to the victor was a coral wreath. The government of Athen was democratic because the people took the law into their own hands. There were no wars in Greece, as the mountains were so high that they couldn't climb over to see what their neighbors were doing. When they fought the Parisians, the Greeks were outnumbered because the Persians had more men.
Eventually, the Ramons conquered the Geeks. History call people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long. At Roman banquets, the guests wore garlic in their hair.
Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March killed him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."
Nero was a cruel tyrany who would torture his poor subjects by playing the fiddle to them.
Then came the Middle Ages. King Alfred conquered the Dames. King Arthur lived in the Age of Shivery, King Harlod mustarded his troops before the Battle of Hastings. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and cannonized by George Bernard Shaw. The the victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks. Finally, the Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense. In midevil times most of the people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the time was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verse and also wrote literature. Another tale tells of William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.
The government of England was a limited mockery. Henry VIII found walking difficult because he had an abbess on his knee. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted "hurrah." Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo.
The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. Shakespeare never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He lived in Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies and errors. In one of Shakespeare's famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy. In another, Lady Macbeth tries to convince Macbeth to kill the King by attacking his manhood. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote "Donkey Hote." The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote "Paradise Lost." Then his wife dies and he wrote "Paradise Regained."
During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe. Later the Pilgrims crossed the Ocean, and that was called the Pilgrim's Progress. When they landed at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by Indians, who came down the hill rolling their hoops before them. The Indian squabs carried porpoises on their back. Many of the Indian heroes were killed, along with their cabooses, which proved very fatal to them. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.
One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. During the War, Red Coats and Paul Revere were throwing balls over stone walls. The dogs were barking and the peacocks crowing. Finally, the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis.
Delegates from the original thirteen states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin had gone to Boston carrying all his clothes in his pocket and a loaf of bread under each arm. He invented electricity by rubbing cats backwards and declared "a horse divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
George Washington married Martha Curtis and in due time became the Father of Our Country. Them the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the Constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.
Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. When Lincoln was President, he wore only a tall silk hat. He said, "In onion there is strength." Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope. He also signed the Emasculation Proclamation, and the Fourteenth Amendment gave the ex-Negroes citizenship. But the Clue Clux Clan would torch and lynch the ex-Negroes and other innocent victims. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called "Candy." Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the Autumn, when the apples are falling off the trees.
The nineteenth century was a time of many great inventions and thoughts. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick Raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Samuel Morse invented a code for telepathy. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the "Organ of the Species." Madman Curie discovered radium. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.
The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by a surf, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.
No one read the above? It took me 20 minutes to find it on the web...boo hoo...
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