I had this dream I was the world whatever happened was a story of me though I wasn't me I wasn't God I was you and your dreams and evolution you and your fears and philosophical systems you and your songs and religions and patterns you and that god you invented a rainy day in your grief for eternity I had this dream where I was your map you entered my landscape and made me shiver like a piece of drapery in the wind in an open door in a beautiful mind denying the victory of darkness
08 January 2007, 09:19 AM
atroposmar
I like this, but you didn't comment on mine I think this poem has great potential, but as of now it is lacking. The opening is great, but you don't seem to consider all the possibilities; the idea of the world is boundless. If you can expand upon this dream then I feel it could be great rather than something where the idea overshadows the content. The flow is good, but another complaint would be that it is very repetative. I think by expanding more on your idea you may be able to break the repetativeness. Anyways, good luck.
08 January 2007, 10:59 AM
biplane1
Lena, having Grandparents from Halland and my mother being a full-blood Swede I only wish I knew Swedish. Several years ago we had a young lady from Stockholm stay with for a school year. I studied her English-Sweden, Sweden-Dictionary quite a bit and I found it difficult to understand, especially with the alliteration marks, the "o's" about the "a"s and such.
Anna's English was very good and she said that she had been studying it for six years and that American Television shows were on all the time.
I just wished I remmebered how to spell Tachsca Meca (Thank you). Can you help me on that?This message has been edited. Last edited by: biplane1,
08 January 2007, 11:36 AM
Braling II
Hey, Biplane, "Thank you very much" in Swedish is "Tack så mycket", which sounds like what you're thinking of.
08 January 2007, 04:00 PM
atroposmar
wow...lol. Biplane you are easily amused. She wrote a poem and the thing that catches your attention is the drop of where she resides.
Call me ignorant, but I didn't even know that swedish was a language. I guess I live a sheltered life in Canada, which just started snowing today.
I think this poem has great potential, but as of now it is lacking. The opening is great, but you don't seem to consider all the possibilities; the idea of the world is boundless. If you can expand upon this dream then I feel it could be great rather than something where the idea overshadows the content. The flow is good, but another complaint would be that it is very repetative. I think by expanding more on your idea you may be able to break the repetativeness. Anyways, good luck.