"If Christians actually practiced what the Christ taught, all India would be Christian."

- Ghandi

I always thought Ghandi was smarter than that.

"I think he was smarter than we realise."

- Doug Spaulding

"I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing."

- Johnny Carson

"A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on."

- Samuel Goldwyn

"I'm getting my work done."

Ray Bradbury (when asked how he was doing)

"Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat."

- Mark Twain

"If there were no God, there would be no Atheists."

- G. K. Chesterton

"When I left home at 18 I thought my dad was the dumbest man I'd ever met. When I returned at 22 I was AMAZED at what the old man had learned in four years."
--- Mark Twain

"When I die, if there's no dogs in Heaven, then I'm going where they went."
--- Will Rogers

MARLOWE:
Here you are sugar, buy yourself a cigar.

LADY CABBIE:
If you can use me again sometime, call this number.
(She hands him a card.)

MARLOWE:
Day and night?

LADY CABBIE:
Uh, night's better. I work during the day.

-- from the screenplay for "The Big Sleep," by Ray's friend Leigh, some Southern author :-) and Jules Furthman

"A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip."

- Caskie Stinnett

"Most people don't make a big deal when someone steps on their shoes, but as for Me? I would turn around, slap the person in the face, stare them straight in the eyes, and realize its a blind man staring back at me."

- Kukai Aoki

(I'm a writer, so that means i can quote myself...right?)

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes."

Anon

"A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned to walk forward."

- Franklin D Roosevelt

"If a man is offered a fact which goes against his instincts, he will scrutinize it closely, and unless the evidence is overwhelming, he will refuse to believe it. If, on the other hand, he is offered something which affords a reason for acting in accordance to his instincts, he will accept it even on the slightest evidence. The origin of myths is explained in this way."

- Bertrand Russell